I apologize if this post seems a bit disjointed.  Some was written a few weeks ago, and some just today.

Listening to a sermon about this passage of scripture…

“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains!  For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
But Zion said, ‘The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.’  Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.”  – Isaiah 49:13-16

The sermon ended with this old hymn:

“Arise, my soul, arise; shake off thy guilty fears;
The bleeding sacrifice in my behalf appears:
Before the throne my surety stands,
Before the throne my surety stands,
My name is written on His hands.”

- Charles Wesley

Lately, it seems people have forgotten or been too busy to hear me.  For example, if I send an encouraging text and/or email and do not receive a response, I feel like it wasn’t appreciated…like they didn’t want to hear it…like I did something wrong.  I think, “well, at least say thank you…or something.”  But honestly, that’s taking my encouraging words and turning them bitter.  I shouldn’t expect a response…much like it seems I don’t receive a response from God, but He does hear me…He does love me.  The point is, God is using these situations in my daily life to further grow me in changing my perspective…and to respond rather than react.  It’s so good! (but it hurts like the dickens.)

I have also been learning to stand up for myself lately.  In the past, I have tended to agree with someone’s opinion, especially if given with confidence/authority.  I’m not being prideful, but listening to God’s words both in scripture and on my heart, rather than what my friends think.  Sometimes, what my friends say is from God though…and I’m learning to discern that.

Another thought:  As shy and socially awkward as I am, God gave me a spirit of power, not of fear.  (2 Timothy 1:7)  I have felt very fearful this past few weeks, often asking myself those, “what if?” questions.  These questions arise out of fear.  Also, I realize God has been testing me.

In other news…

My schedule has been somewhat busier than it was before I was without a car.  Weird.  I have had so many opportunities to pick up my camera this year.  Bollywood birthday party, a 4-year old birthday party, an engagement session, 3 portrait sessions, a 20s themed event, and a crazy car race.  I am so blessed and humbled to have shared in some amazing experiences.  God is doing so much in my heart and mind, in my life that I can hardly keep up.  I have told many people – I’m happier than I have been in years.  YEARS.  I remember back in ’97-’98 when I was dating this guy, and I was often unhappy.  Although he probably wasn’t the best company to keep either.  But I do remember him commenting on my attitude, and how sour it was all the time.  I’m so thankful God pursues us and brings us out of the darkness into his marvelous light!