A Photographer's View

I Love You.

“I Love You for who you are, not for what you do. Many voices vie for control of your mind, especially when you sit in silence. You must learn to discern what is My voice and what is not. Ask My Spirit to give you this discernment. Many of My children run around in circles, trying to obey the various voices directing their lives. This results in fragmented, frustrating patterns of living. Do not fall into this trap. Walk closely with Me each moment, listening for My directives and enjoying My Companionship. Refuse to let other voices tie you up in knots. ’My sheep know My voice and follow me wherever I lead.’”

2011: 03/04
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The Big Day.Faithfulness.

Written Nov. 6th:

Hello my lovelies. It has been a long and exhausting road, but the day we have long waited for has finally arrived. I have officially found employment!! *doing Napoleon Dynamite arm motion* Yesss! I now work at The Academy of Art University in San Francisco. I’ve only worked a couple days now, but I absolutely love it. It’s all stuff I learned at school so it’s super easy, but it’s challenging because I haven’t been around some of these things since school (ie studio equipment). Also, I am able to take one class per semester…FOR FREE. Needless to say, I’ve been looking at the courses already…

I interviewed on Game 1 of the world series. I have little interest in sports, but I knew this because the baseball team resides in San Francisco. It was difficult to avoid. Later, it was brought to my attention that this team won. Hazzah for them! Aaaand I thought it was cool that they won on the same day I interviewed. I hoped this would be a good sign…turns out it was.

Written just now, Dec. 28th:

So I’m awake. it’s about 5:45am. Some of you may disagree, but God woke me up. He had something to say. Well, He always has something to say, but this time He wanted me awake for it. I was dreaming of climbing a hill towards a house, and then the hill of a driveway towards the front door. Turns out this wasn’t the house I was looking for. I happily (yes happily) turned around and continued on the main path. I suppose I’m content merely with the journey rather than the destination. The destination never changes, but the journey…yes, that’s where the fun is. This year has been a tumultuous (which by the way means excited, confused, disorderly…very fitting!) one and it would appear some changes are already in the works…but I am fearful and feeling quite undeserving…and let’s not leave out Mr. Anxiety. So here I sit. Awake and longing to be filled with God’s anointing love. My heart is heavy. “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.” Take my cares, take my burdens, take my thoughts captive! You alone are my Savior, my Rock, my Salvation. I am reminded this early hour of His faithfulness. He is always faithful. Faithful! He will bring about what He has started. He is faithful to complete His work in you.

“O Lord God Almighty, who is like you?

You are mighty O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.”

-Pslams 89:8

2010: 12/28
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Remember.

I apologize if this post seems a bit disjointed. Some was written a few weeks ago, and some just today.

Listening to a sermon about this passage of scripture…

“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
But Zion said, ‘The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.’ Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” – Isaiah 49:13-16

The sermon ended with this old hymn:

“Arise, my soul, arise; shake off thy guilty fears;
The bleeding sacrifice in my behalf appears:
Before the throne my surety stands,
Before the throne my surety stands,
My name is written on His hands.”

- Charles Wesley

Lately, it seems people have forgotten or been too busy to hear me. For example, if I send an encouraging text and/or email and do not receive a response, I feel like it wasn’t appreciated…like they didn’t want to hear it…like I did something wrong. I think, “well, at least say thank you…or something.” But honestly, that’s taking my encouraging words and turning them bitter. I shouldn’t expect a response…much like it seems I don’t receive a response from God, but He does hear me…He does love me. The point is, God is using these situations in my daily life to further grow me in changing my perspective…and to respond rather than react. It’s so good! (but it hurts like the dickens.)

I have also been learning to stand up for myself lately. In the past, I have tended to agree with someone’s opinion, especially if given with confidence/authority. I’m not being prideful, but listening to God’s words both in scripture and on my heart, rather than what my friends think. Sometimes, what my friends say is from God though…and I’m learning to discern that.

Another thought: As shy and socially awkward as I am, God gave me a spirit of power, not of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7) I have felt very fearful this past few weeks, often asking myself those, “what if?” questions. These questions arise out of fear. Also, I realize God has been testing me.

In other news…

My schedule has been somewhat busier than it was before I was without a car. Weird. I have had so many opportunities to pick up my camera this year. Bollywood birthday party, a 4-year old birthday party, an engagement session, 3 portrait sessions, a 20s themed event, and a crazy car race. I am so blessed and humbled to have shared in some amazing experiences. God is doing so much in my heart and mind, in my life that I can hardly keep up. I have told many people – I’m happier than I have been in years. YEARS. I remember back in ’97-’98 when I was dating this guy, and I was often unhappy. Although he probably wasn’t the best company to keep either. But I do remember him commenting on my attitude, and how sour it was all the time. I’m so thankful God pursues us and brings us out of the darkness into his marvelous light!

2010: 10/12
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psalms.

This is my heart this week. Broken, but hopeful. My nose in the Psalms.

Psalms 13:2,5-6

“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”

Psalms 27: 11-14

“Teach me your way O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors, Do not turn me over to the desire of foes, for false witnesses rises up against breathing out of violence…

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

Psalms 37: 7-11

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found.

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.”

Psalms 40:8, 17

“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart…

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.”

2010: 07/14
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Nature, Salt, and Light.

A few photos from my recent trip to Yosemite. Didn’t get a chance to take nearly as many photos as I would like, but I had the opportunity to do some serious hiking, which led to pushing myself further than I thought I could. That’s always a good thing.

Also been thinking about Matthew 5:13-16. Being Salt and Light. I never quite understood that until recently. I don’t think I’m nearly there, but I do try. I want to have purpose. And for me, it starts with letting go of some stuff. Someone told me about a week ago that I have “a sweet presence” and they like being around me. I was truly humbled. I have also recently “put 2 & 2 together” so to speak regarding my relationship with God and my relationship with others. Apparently when my relationship with God is solid, it reflects my relationship with others, making them more solid as well. Huh. Imagine that. I have noticed when I let go of my anxiety, especially when people let me down, and claim peace instead, I seem to have better interactions with my friends.

2010: 06/19
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Only You.

“Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delight, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now”

2010: 05/20
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Reorganize. Prioritize.

An excerpt from here

“Following the Leading of the Spirit

It’s ethereal, it’s mystical…and it’s messy. As Christians, we need to be OK with making mistakes and OK with others who make mistakes during honest, authentic endeavors to follow the Holy Spirit. As ethereal and mystical as this concept is, those of us who live life on mission understand the biblical implications of these statements. He is infallible, but we are messed up.

For those who are already attempting to live life on mission, you know that you need the power of the Holy Spirit and understand what I’m talking about. For those who don’t – take time to cultivate a relationship with the Holy Spirit – one that blossoms and blooms in the garden of faith.” – Britt Merrick from the sermon Missio Christi | Renew Part I (Spirit-Led Intentionality)

Changing the way I think has never been easy for me. I will my mind to prevent damaging thoughts. But there I sit, still in my loneliness, emptiness, restlessness, and frustration. It begins to consume me, and then I act out. I am beginning to change this habit, starting with realizing that I alone cannot change myself. God must be allowed in to do the work. Considering my circumstances though, I do not give myself such a hard time about it. Although I may make mistakes and make people angry, I do have good intentions and I am learning to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I ask my close friends to show me grace during these times. These times I venture out with the Holy Spirit’s leading. There will be and there have been times I think I’m following what I’m hearing from God, but it is not so. This is all part of the process of maturity and growth. It’s kind of cool to know that God wants to work on His children so much that He allows trials. I’m attempting to see it as an act of love.

I ask for prayer that God would make me a servant, a warrior for His name! I’m looking at serving in a whole new light – I can almost FEEL the change in my soul, creeping up and eventually coming forth into something awesome.

I went hiking with a friend the other day…and of course took my camera…

2010: 05/19
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still here.

Dear Valued Facebook Friends,

Despite appearances, I did not in fact remove you from my friends list. I did however deactivate my account (temporarily) due to my value of my sanity. I treasure this common, but fickle friend. My daily routine greatly included several visits, which by the end of last week was starting to wear on me. There was one comment I made that did it. Then I knew it was time to begin a “Facebook fast.” I was reminded of Matthew 5:29-30 and made the decision to remove the problem. I WILL return in due time. Please send your notes mourning my absence to rinnalynette@hotmail.com They will be read and responded to in the order in which they were received.

Hope you are all having a blessed week!

Love,

Corinne

In other news.

2 hour interviews are bru-tal. I was about to ask for a snack. 3 people interviewed me, which actually made me feel kinda special, but also made me wonder just how much competition is out there. Creative positions are HIGHLY competitive. Apparently. I had no idea.

Anyway, I interviewed at Zenfolio for a customer service position. Really great people. I wasn’t even nervous. No, not once. Poor Jen though. Jen drove me to the interview. Thanks Jen! You’re awesome. The interview went very well, but I will not hear from them for a couple of weeks! Really?! REALLY people?! Just give me the job already. You have obviously witnessed my awesomeness, so why should there be a doubt?!

Finally got my laptop up & running. The AC adapter crapped out, followed by the battery. It was a rough 2 days, but I managed quite successfully. Lots of youtube on my phone. Thank you technology!

Now I am safely tucked into bed, cozy and warm, enjoying the bright glow of my newly resurrected titanium computer.

2010: 05/13
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photos.

2010: 05/06
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darkness and light.

“Don’t forget in the darkness what you have learned in the light.”

Job 42 (NIV).

Then Job replied to the LORD :

² “I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted.

³ You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

⁴ “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’

⁵ My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

⁶ Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”

vs 3 in The Message says,

“Who is this muddying the water,
ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?”

God’s purposes are mysterious. My tendency is to forget about what I have learned in the light, focus on the darkness, and not listen to God’s voice. This time, I remember trials develop character and increase strength. I meditate on what is true, what is good, what is lovely. His purpose is always at work, continuing to mold and shape like a potter molds and shapes clay.

It really hurts. Hurts bad.

However, my mind is not a slave to the enemy in darkness. My joy is found in Jesus.

2010: 04/30
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