A Photographer's View

31.

I’m overwhelmed at the blessings poured out on me the past couple of days. Last night was almost embarrassing as 100+ people sang, “Happy Birthday” to me. That has never happened. I absolutely do not deserve this. I’m humbled at God’s choosing of my life to serve His purpose. My mind cannot perceive it; my heart cannot feel the depths of it. I was reading in Isaiah today as part of my weekly “homework” from my bible study, and I came across one of those verses that’s so common, but when life’s circumstances are at just the right place, this once common verse can speak volumes.

Isaiah 55:9:

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

2010: 02/01
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Matthew 6:26.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (NIV)

Thoughts and such…

pride. – King Uzziah

fear in people instead of fear in God. – Jotham, Uzziah’s son.

doubt. – in people, in God.

“trust me, I will take care of you. trust ME, I will take care of you.”

Job. – “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”

pain is the fuel for passion, to bring us back to intimate relationship with Him.

Love = Time.

2010: 01/17
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Breaking Free.

disclaimer: I am by no means an educated teacher or preacher. I’m just learning this, discovering God’s word and adapting that to my daily life. These are my own thoughts and feelings. I am on a journey like everyone else.

Isaiah 61:1

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me. because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”

Started a 10-week journey last night. Beth Moore’s Breaking Free bible study will work to release anything or anyone that holds me in bondage, keeping me from being the woman God wants me to be. This is a woman I want to be. Fully used for God’s kingdom. Beth Moore is very southern baptist. She doesn’t just talk to you, she raises her voice, almost yelling. I find this effective in getting serious points across. Change requires discipline. She warns the journey will not be easy. There will be issues that arise, some of which we are not fully aware. I am hesitant, but excited to see what adventures this journey will have.

Many things hold me back. Fear is a big one. I believe we all struggle with fear in one way or another. Personally, my fear keeps me from success in my photography business and needed confrontation in my interpersonal relationships. I fear the consequences: failure and being alone. However, I am ready to “break free” of this fear, moving forward to a more fruitful life in Christ.

For the last few months, I’ve been studying Isaiah, parts where the Israelites have seen God’s blessing poured out on them, as well as His provisions, but they choose to worship other gods.

Isaiah 43:1 “this is what the Lord says – …’Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine’”.

vs.10: “‘You are my witnesses’”, declares the Lord, “‘and my servant whom I have chosen.’”

vs. 22: “Yet you have not called upon me, O Jacob, you have wearied yourselves for me, O Israel.”

We know what the Lord can do. We have seen Him to mighty things, yet we somehow turn to other gods (money, fame, other people) for comfort and deliverance. He is the only one who can provide what we long for. True release from our sins that bind us comes from above.

The base scripture for Breaking Free is Isaiah 61:1-3.

1 “The spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

There is so much hope in those words. I hope through this study I, and my fellow sisters, are able to break free of what holds us captive from the Lord’s purpose in our lives.

2010: 01/14
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Betsey Johnson.

I have discovered Betsey Johnson.

I found a few things I like…

Thank you, Miss Dayton!

2010: 01/11
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my business.

“If we choose to live by the Spirit, we will live; if we choose to follow our sinful nature, we will die (Romans 8:13). Making decisions based on others approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature.”

This is an excerpt from another book I’ve just begun reading called, “Boundaries.” Its about setting boundaries in relationships, thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, choices we make, basically every part of our lives.

I expect God to continue to work on me as His child, instructing me on His ways, using His wisdom for His glory. I will be the first to admit I make unwise decisions daily. However, I will also be the first to admit when I’m wrong and will make an effort to change that behavior. Everyone has their sin they struggle with…we are all growing in different ways, but all reaching towards the same goal – to be more like Jesus. I find it interesting the situations God has placed in my life the past couple of weeks, obvious testing. I’m so excited for that. To know that there is this God so much bigger than me, able to do anything at any time, yet He sees after me. He takes the time to put me through testing and trials to ensure much strength at the other side.

A friend of mine sent me a message about breast cancer awareness. Apparently someone came up with the idea to post the color of your bra in your status update. My first thought was, “that’s none of your business,” but I slowly considered it. But I waited. I waited to see who would take heed to this call for colors, letting their friends (male and female) know what was going on underneath their clothes. The more I carefully thought about it, the more I slowly unconsidered it. If some women want to post their bra’s color, that’s fine. Personally, I prefer to remain a mystery. Mysterious. There’s something about that word I love.

Tomorrow morning I embark on a journey to the land of Antioch. There are photos to be taken and I will be behind the camera. I actually had a somewhat powerful dream last night about photography. I had decided to shoot film for part of a family portrait session on the beach. I would never shoot solely on film these days though. Digital is just too reliable. Anyway, so I’m looking at these 8×10 prints of the film I had taken and wow, they were stunning. The person I was looking at them with was also blown away at the quality and encouraging me to do this more often. I am seriously considering the possibility of lengthening the session just a bit for film shots. The only problem…finding a film scanner. Not a huge deal, but it would be nice to own one. I sense a trip to ebay land…

I made enchiladas earlier tonight. YUM. I added a little serrano chili to the inside for some spice. My roommates aren’t sick or dying so I will call this a success. And there are even leftovers, which you know will be better tomorrow.

Psalms 119:2,45

2. Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.

45. I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts (principles).

2010: 01/08
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i wanna be a rock superstar.

New Years Eve. 2009. Dublin, California. Rockstar party.

I borrowed my roommate’s purple sequin dress (believe it or not, she has more than one). AND she had boots that fit me.

Overall, it was a great evening. Lots of food and music. Rockband music.

Here I am in front of the Times Square NYE background. Pretty legit, if I do say so myself. Everyone posed for the camera…some more than others.

My new leather jacket. And tie. The woman working at Goodwill wanted $30. I said no. I ended up talking her down to half her original asking price.

I have no idea where or what I will wear the tie with. Perhaps I will start a collection of awesome clothing items only to wear at costume parties and on days I’m feeling whimsical. Or 80s.

I’m heading to 3 bridal shops this week. Business cards, networking, schmoozness.

Kay’s Bridal Boutique in Castro Valley.

Blossoms Formal and Bridal in Pleasanton.

Dana’s Bridal in Livermore.

Bridal Bliss in San Ramon

J’aime Bridal in Pleasanton.

These are just 5 I have found that look interesting.

I’ve got a possible portrait session Saturday morning, with a mom and young son.

Here are all the rockstars.

2010: 01/04
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Bad Romance.

I’ve been addicted to peppermint bark this holiday season. My bible study leader was giving out presents and it included massive amounts of chocolate, including…yes. the peppermint bark I’ve been craving.

In other news, I purchased this fabulous headband today at ROSS. Its got subtle purple tones in it, which I love. AND its vintage…or retro. Wait. According to wikipedia, retro is the proper term.

I don’t really give gifts, but I have a couple I’m giving this year. I always get super excited giving people presents because I don’t do it often and I like to be original. Here’s the supposed-to-be-awesome wrapping job I did on one of my gifts. It didn’t come out evenly, but hey, its the thought, right?

I love being creative.

I’m continuing to read Purpose Driven Life. Chapter 6 really got me thinking and challenged me.

“Life on earth is a Test. God continually tests people’s character, temptations, obedience, love, integrity, and loyalty. words like trials, temptations, refining, and testing occur more than 200 times in the Bible.”

“Life on earth is a Trust. Our time on earth and our energy, intelligence, opportunities, relationships, and resources are all gifts from God that he has entrusted to our cared and management. We are stewards of whatever God gives us.”

“Life is a temporary assignment. To make the best use of life, you must never forget two truths: First, compared with eternity, life is extremely brief. Second, earth is only a temporary residence.”

Managing money and time are only a couple things I struggle with. God is always testing me on trusting Him with those things.

A couple weeks ago, God told me to write a check. A check for an amount I did not have. He kept telling me and I kept telling Him, “don’t you see how much money I have?” He again gently told me to just write it. So I did. The next day, I picked up my paycheck from work. I almost fell over when I saw that it would more than cover the check I wrote. I could not believe God would choose to bless me. Little ‘ol me. I will always remember that when times are tough.

I’m supposed to have another portrait session tomorrow morning, but I think it might have to be rescheduled. I NEED more…and its up to me to get it. THANK YOU friends who tell your friends about me. : D I love you.

2009: 12/17
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Race & Grace.

This past weekend was amazingly fantastic. My heart fills with joy seeing my friends having the time of their lives.

I went up to Willows (where the heck is Willows?!)

Willows is south-west of Chico. North of the Bay Area…right off the 5.

There’s a race there. At Thunderhill, called 24-Hours of Lemons. For more info click here.

Here is the car that my friends bought and raced there.

This car is intentionally based off the ambulance in the movie, “Cannonball Run.” My friends who raced this car clearly had an amazing weekend.

Right before the celebration toastS. I choose to capitalize the S because there was more than one. : D These guys are awesome. There is another driver in front…unfortunately, only his right arm made it into this frame. My battery was supposedly out of juice at this point…I did the best I could.

Thankfully there was another photographer there (aka Joel).

As you can see here, he’s protecting Colby (who’s back is to him) with his bazooka (aka Sony’s 70-400mm lens). I will admit…its…a decent lens. There. I said it.

So what about grace? Although I was soo busy running around taking photos all weekend, God managed to do some work on my heart. I had the opportunity to see God’s grace through a person. When I thought I had lost, I hadn’t lost anything. And to make things better, God demonstrated the perfect moment and time for resolution. I couldn’t have planned it better.

So there ya go.

2009: 11/23
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diamonds.

“What?!”

“Diamonds.”

“Diamonds aren’t little things.”

“Little diamonds are little things.”

Lyrics from , “Little Things.” by this band my friends are talking about, called Pomplamoose. I went to see them last Friday in San Francisco. I never get out there, so I was happy to be invited.

And now for something completely different…

I’ve been reading “Purpose Driven Life,” which I’ve had in my possession for years but never got around to reading it. I just started chapter 3 yesterday and have been meditating on it the past couple of days. I suppose I’ve always known this about me, but it was brought to me in a new way through this book.

I seem to allow my past regrets/actions to shape my future. And I’m unconsciously punishing myself by self-sabotaging my potential successes. God has forgiven me of my sins! He has forgotten my past transgressions! The Bible says, “What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven!…What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record.” – (Psalms 32:1). Why can’t I do the same? If God, the creator of the universe and all things in it can forget about my sins and forgive me, why is it so difficult for me, a human, to accomplish this? It seems like such an easy task…

Isaiah 26:3 says, “You Lord give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You.”

I have noticed times of perfect peace when I put ALL of my trust in Him. But why can’t I trust Him with my finances or my career? There’s a roadblock keeping God out and I so much want to knock it down.

I had a portrait session this past weekend. I’ve known this couple for a couple years now and I finally got the opportunity to photograph them being themselves and me getting out of my comfort zone. They are one of the coolest, funnest couples I know. I need more portrait sessions…badly. Not just for the money, but for my sanity. I realized how relaxed and how much fun I was having. I desperately crave more!

These are two of my favorites from the day. : D

2009: 11/17
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31.